shedding tears, making feathers and finding my wing.... adventures in the sunset cemetery on a cold winters day

~boldness & a strong will~

imagine my delight when slathering glue on a piece of paper i noticed this old news paper with a message from the chess column! are you kidding me?? i had to giggle.

~bundling up in pa's hat and old sweater with leather elbow patches~

my first walk in eleven days. and it was cold. so i borrowed some of pa's clothes. sadie was howling with excitement, so i howled back, hence the face!

~cemetery~

in this tree the birds gathered and sang after the rain stopped the day we put pa's ashes in the ground. today there were no birds there. it's ok. i needed to be on my own. i told pa of the dreams he's been in lately. i thanked him for nudging me to leap before thinking... i told him i love him and miss him. and i cried.

~flowers for pa~

~tears for pa~

~you are~

~my constant companion with grass in her mouth~

~yes, it's true, we can't press rewind, we travel one way~

~stopping to listen to the trees~

~waving to myself~

who else is there to wave to at the cemetery on a gray chilly day? besides people don't wave at the cemetery, even on sunny days. though i did share a smile with an old lady. she was in her car, preparing to visit a grave. later i saw her again. she was clearing away fallen branches, holding onto her cane with the other hand.

truth be told i was definitely on a bit of a mission to find a raven's feather. i know. it's kind of pointless to hope to find something in particular. but i was, secretly hoping. and now, not so secretly.

i did discover these two things though despite going to the cemetery regularly for over a year. they were in a muddy section under eucalyptus trees, the elks section. oddly, it never pulled me in until today!

~never forgotten~

~my antlers are safe~

~i forget to look up sometimes~

i must always remember there is light after and under the darkness. i tend to forget that. when it gets dark. i get lost.

i continued on with my search for a feather. i kept thinking i saw one, but it was always just a eucalyptus leaf. then it dawned on me~ i could make my own feathers with these! and i filled my pockets with them.

and then...

~my wing~

yup. i found my wing!!! ask for a feather and you get a wing!! i told you i had wings! you didn't believe me. here's my evidence. not digitally manipulated.

then out of the cold i ran with my feathers and wing, sniffling and coughing and blowing my nose. singing "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you might find... you get what you need!" and then back i scurried into my cozy, warm home i went. to finish my journal spread... and continue to beat this dang flu!

~it is me beyond the looking glass~

visual journal entry 010211

close up of left

the background is a chess score sheet from pa, written in the 50's

and then there are my feathers from the cemetery!

~close up of right~

~not so.... far, far away~

~i will not~

Oh, love

of that first dawn light,

of fierce noon with its spears,

love taking in the whole sky

drop by drop

when the great ship of the night

passes over the world.

Oh, that love

in the loneliness of adolescence,

oh, the violet

overflowing

with perfume and dew,

fresh as stars over the face,

those kisses

crawling over

the skin,

entwining, biting

from bodies clear and open to

the blue stone of the sailing night.

~pablo neruda~

~made a feather~

then i opened a brand new sketch book... i bought 2 for myself as a christmas present... with glorious covers by one of the most inspiring artists who lives a raw and fierce existence---sabrina ward harrison-- it was she who reintroduced me to the beauty of poetry. during her amazing workshop last year she read poems to us.....it was dreamy.

~every desire of your body is Holy~

"In many parts of this world water is
Scarce and precious.
People sometimes have to walk
A great distance
Then carry heavy jugs upon their
Heads.
Because of our wisdom, we will travel
Far for love.
All movement is a sign of
Thirst.
Most speaking really says
"I am hungry to know you."
Every desire of your body is holy;
Every desire of your body is
Holy.
Dear one,
Why wait until you are dying
To discover that divine
Truth?"

— شمس‌الدّین محمّد حافظِ شیرازی (The Subject Tonight Is Love: Sixty Wild and Sweet Poems of Hafiz)

yes, i am going to draw this year. practice makes better. i say "yes!" though this piece makes me want to.... tear it out! but we must leave traces, so we see our progress... isn't that what all this documentalism is about???

and special thanks to 2 ladies who inspired me to get off this evil computer, put my evil iphone away and actually create in my visual journal!!!! that would be orly and sparkleface!! thanks ladies!