Captured: A Photo Journal

trust

~trust:  a word i am learning to embrace~

 

~trusting that the darkness too has lessons for me~

 

~trusting that the light always returns~

 

~trusting my instincts to forge ahead and take on the odds that seem stacked against me~

elk journey

mixed media collage on found book cover 120311

 

~trusting that my journey will lead me to my dream even if it seems i stray from the path i think i should be on~

quick'n'dirty journal entry

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~trusting my need to slow down and retreat from the world in order to feed my body, mind and soul~

elk medicine

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~trusting my struggle~

 mixed media shadow box 2009

 

~trusting myself~

 

 

~trusting in the power, magic & beauty of sisterhood~

thank you Pixie Campbell for your vision, your lessons & your support.

onwards...

 
~in a misty valley~

 

~along a path of dreams~

 

~amidst long lost souls~

 

~occassionally i stray~

 

~stumble, & hit a barrior~

 

~until the subtle signs return~

 

~and i pause to observe~

 

feeling quiet these days and needing time to just be still.  to rest.  riding out a lull in the creative vein.  as the rains outside continue.  the news from around the world is somber.  and here at home, a friend begins a battle against cells that threaten his existence. 

 

~owl medicine~

mixed media collage on found book cover

 

 

 

new moon magic 030411

~temporary shrine to cut the tethers~

on the left a jar i had put together after an amazing night with a special guy.  on the right my bottle of 'patience' in which i stored notes recording his sweet gestures in a time when such things became sparse.  in the center, a number of items i had found and written poems about~ during our blooming.  i bottled those items up today.  for today i am done.  today i am moving on.  it's not so hard, for as much as i hoped, i suspected it would end this way.

in the evening i realized it was a new moon.    it seemed my soul knew that and had already prepared.  so i took a bath with candles and sage.  then i sat by the altar in candle light  & removed the last tethers from you to me, from me to you.

 

~new moon in pieces~

 

~above the flames i rise~

 

~heart intact~

 

~protected~

 

i worked on a journal spread to signify my moving on.  i wasn't sure what animal would represent me in the piece.  i remembered a beautiful piece of native american jewelry i had looked at earlier in the day-- with a bald eagle on it.  This triggered a memory of visions of a bald eagle hunting birds I had during a massage, I had forgoten all about it.  the rain had grown steadier and i didn't want to go out back to go through my books to find a bald eagle.  then i remembered i had brought one out of twelve illustrated audubon encyclopedias inside earlier that day. i smiled before i even looked on the spine to see what letters were represented in this volume.  A-EA.  thank you.  and there was my bald eagle when i flipped the book open. 

 

~fly away:  the wings of your soul will be supported~

quick'n'dirty journal spread in progress 030411

 

 

 

eagle medicine:

the ability to live in the realm of the spirit & yet remain connected & balanced within the realm of earth.

 

the next morning i remembered a dream from the night before.  i was watching a flock of birds fly over my house.  i looked closer.  one was different from the others.  it was hunting.  it was a bald eagle.  a crazy aerodynamically brilliant ballet ensued between the eagle and a flock of vultures.  at the end the eagle had it's prey, but it was a peacock in it's beak.

and then i remembered this spread from 1 1/2 months ago~ representing my desire to move forward with this guy to the beautiful land of delights that he promised.  The peacock was the symbol for the promised land....  and as you can see, this page has the back of the car that is in the spread above with the eagle.  i love the subconcious.  it's so wise and rich with symbolism!

  ~far off the stability line~

quick'n'dirty journal spread 011511

 

 

~me~

 

once upon a time...a mere four months ago...

~i met a man~

 

~who seemed perfect in every way~

 

~made me feel like a princess~

 

~he seemed too good to be true~

 

~but he dazzled me~

 

~& offered all i desired~

 

~and so i dared~

 

~to make a wish, for a future, with him~

 

~and i opened my heart~

 

~and made space for faith~

 

~and allowed the blooming to begin~

 

~but all too soon he started to hesitate~

 

~so i faced my fears~

 

 
~looked at the remains~

 

~searched inside~

 

~considered leaving~

 

~but instead allowed compassion and patience to take root, for his journey was not an easy one~

 

~& i waited in the dreaded land of ambiguity~

 

~while he gave less, and less~

 

~there were moments of darkness as i struggled~

~but there was no surviving this~

 

~it was time to go~

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~my path was clear~

 

~i gathered my strength, holding tight to my dream & i took flight~

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~surrounded by my family~

mixed media collage:  wolf

 

~and the splendor of springs approach~

 

~feeling lucky~

 

~and still, my heart, is open~

visual journal entry

 

this post and my line drawings were inspired by the most beautiful book i've seen in years...

 

~little red riding hood~

the brothers grimm

illustration by daniel egneus

 

~a perfect sunday: copying line drawings into my journal with a snoring pup on the sofa~

 

 

Wolf

~tapping in~

 

~luck on my side~

 

~in search of~

 

~magic~

 

~sacred spaces~

 

~collections~

 

~hidden~

 

~wilted reminders~

 

~new potential~

 

~17~

 

~preserved~

 

~with faith~

 

~blue skies overhead~

 

~light~

 

~reflecting~

 

it's been a very, very, very long time since i've done any art outside of my journals.  today i decided to venture out onto the cover of a reclaimed book cover.  at first i noticed a hesitation as i worked.  but as i persisted it became second nature .  i've decided i need to do a series.  animal totems.  this is the first.  wolf.  my teacher.

 

~wolf~

mixed media collage on reclaimed book cover

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~close up setting moon and clouds~

 

The senses of Wolf are very keen, and the Moon is its power ally.  The Moon is the symbol for psychic energy, or the unconcious that holds the secrets of knowledge and wisdom.  Baying at the Moon may be an indication of the Wolf's desire to connect with new ideas which are just below the surface of consiousness. 

Medicine Cards

by Jamie Sams & David Carson

open

way back on the 29th of december i did an exercise to tease out my word of the year... instead of new year's resolutions, which usually fizzle, i choose a word that represents what i want to nurture in the coming year.  i was really sick this year over the holidays and once i recovered the year sped away-- and it seems i never got around to sharing my word!  well new years day isn't the only beginning--- how about birthdays!!??  i just had my 42nd.  and i had so much fun!  surrounded my all my shinning star friends and my sweet mama.  my word of the year is open.  in being open, there is no room for fear, only belief.  in myself and the world.

 

open to adventure

open to magic

open to things i might not have been in the past

keeping an open mind

opening doors for myself

keeping my heart open

~open~

 

~no fear~

 

~believe~

 

~your life will be prosperous if you use your creativity~

 

~the morning of my 42nd year~

cozy in my little granny shack wearing pa's pj's, sipping tea, heat cranked up, rain outside, working in my journal.. perfect!!

 

~42 & dreaming~

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~42 & dreaming:  left side~

 

~42 & dreaming: right side~

 

~mushroom miso soup~

 

~green tea~

 

~with the sweet ma that made me~

 

~in the garden of eden~

 

~arch overhead~

 

~the circle of life:  and a bowl of mexican hot chocolate~

 

~couchtime with 2 of my beloved ones~

 

~my party at Playland-Not-At-The-Beach!!!~

 

~i was born in 69~

 

~preparing for the mayhem that ensued during the  treasure hunt~

 

~notice who is not  in the front row~

 

~the fan dance~

 

~plaid clad with debba~

 

~she's got mad skillz~

 

~sink or swim baby~

 

~davie n da ladies~

 

~roar~

 

~the best friend a girl could have~

 

~girls~

  ~game on!!~

 

~a penny~

 

~it's raining men!  hallelujah!!~

 

~warning~

 

~fascination~

 

~yup~

 

~macho macho man~

 

~dreamy~

 

  ~she's actually a gentle healer!!~

 

~rackin up points~

 

~screamin~

  ~ceiling~

 

~when i came back to tip more trolls the guy working the game said "this one's out of control"~

 

~ladies~

 

 
~tunes~

 

~mama too~

 

~havin fun~

 

~i am~

  ~numero uno: team plaid clad won the treasure hunt!!~

 

~full on carni-madness~

 

~viv!!!~

 

~what a girl will do for love~

 

~girls gone wild~

 

~big top~

 

~gifts~

 

~new friends~

 

~full bloom in winter~

 

~the day after~

 

~pot of gold~

 

~have to believe we are magic....~

 

 

happy valentines day!

poppy always bought me flowers on valentines day...

~the scent takes me back to childhood on my street.  they bloom for my birthday. their tart plums ripen in august/september.  i picked many as a child and many as i cared for my poppy as he died. ~

 

~picking up treasures from the ground~

 

 

~my desk at work is getting a bit...pink!~

 

~kustom kulture~

quick n dirty journal spread

this was done during my lunch break.  i now carry this journal with me every where.  everything and anything goes in it.  words.  images.  dreams. to do lists.  recommended reading/movies.  contact info.  sometimes i spend more time with a spread-- sometimes no time at all.  i love the versatility.  and the accessibility.

 

there is a force in the universe, which if we permit it, will flow through us & provide miraculous results.

~Gandhi~

 

~the holy grail~

 

~open~

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~open: left side~

 

~open: right side~

 

~the truth is...~

visual journal entry 021211

 

 
~the truth is:  right side

 

~left side:  with my truth cards~

 

~planning my next move~

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won over by the city of angels

chapter one:  pre-trip

as a nor-cal girl i have long despised los angeles.  i based this intense dislike on an idea that it was filled with superficial people, ladies with blond hair and professionally altered body parts, and glitz and glam.  well.  i went down to this city of angels, and she won me over big time with her heart and oozing soul. 

~wonderland~

 

~enjoying my time~

 

~signs of spring at home~

 

~itching for a road trip~

 

~my birthday is around the corner~

 

chapter 2:  road trip with coco down hwy 101

aka:

the screaming eagles

 

~red barn~

 

~coco:  my partner in road trippage~

 

~green:  fertile, alive, lush~

 

~roadside~

 

~rolling hills with oaks~

 

~worth a detour~

 

~abandoned~

 

~e: i love you~

 

~but you are gone~

 

~i don't think this is going anywhere~

 

~cultivating our strength & wisdom~

 

~during the witching hour~

 

~the sky is aflame~

 

~i am naked~

 

chapter 3:  a journey to india with orly avineri

the purpose of this glorious weekend road trip to the city of angels was to participate in a one day work shop in the home of orly avineri.  i have admired, been amazed and moved beyond comparison by orly's art for several years now.   honoring my year of being open~ saying yes and taking action~ i signed up immediately after i found out about the workshop.  as it turned out it was the exact weekend that my dear friend coco was to scatter her mommy's ashes over the ocean in la.  and thus, an adventure was born.  someone is smiling, make that beaming, on me.  everything is perfect, well, except for the parts that.... aren't! 

the workshop that orly put together was so rich and vibrant.  she is a generous soul as well as an amazing artist.  i felt as if i was being welcomed into her family.  her brother, yoram and his son, gil, were participating in the workshop.  orly had prepared an amazing indian feast for us.  yoram offered to make turkish coffee for us in the afternoon, heavenly!!  the journaling was amazing, made richer by orly's ability to engage each of our senses and fill them with india.  the rich colors in her home, the scent of incense and spices as the food was heated up, the sound of indian music, the taste of the food... no detail was left undone.

each of the participants were lovely.   due to the personal nature of journaling,  glimpses  into our stories and even souls were shared.  it's always an honor to share beyond the surface with other beings.

i will be back orly!  thank you so much!

 

~a journey to india with orly avierni~

 

~i sat down at the table and then noticed this in front of me:  i am where i am supposed to be~

 

~at peace~

 

~sipping mint and rose tea~

 

~nourishment~

 

~sacred~

 

~turkish coffee with sweet orly & yoram her brother~

 

~our journals all together~

 
~the amazingly talented gil shares his pages~

  ~close up of gil's spread~

 

~vivid~

 
~yoram shares~

 

~close up of yoram's spread~

 

~sarah shares~

 

~close up of sarah's spread~

  ~guardian~

 

~my passage to india~

big journal entry 020611

 

~close up of left page~

 

~close up of right page~

 

~windows open~

 

~elephants for pa~

 

all roads lead to the same point, to the communication of who are are.  and we must travel across lonely & rugged  through isolation & silence, to reach the magic zone where we can dance or sing a melancholy song; but in the dance & the song are consummated the most ancient rituals of awareness-- the awareness of being men, and of believing in common destiny.

~Pablo Neruda~ 

chapter 4: la after dark with  jenn sharpe

i love this chick.  we have hung out maybe 3 times since graduating from BHS in 1987 and every time we amuse ourselves with hours of the most diverse, riveting, and often times hilarious conversation.  it's so easy.  and so perfect! 

 

~santa monica~

 

~careful what you choose~

 

~the one & only~

 

~california dreaming in venice~

 

~heaven sent~

 

~10 pm snack~

 

~eye of the storm~

 

~witchy woman~

 

~interesting fella's:  bill n ben of brasa~

  ~serious bear energy~

 

~swoooooooon~

 

~channeling my people~

 

chapter 5:  beach time

 

~don't hold back the hope~

 

after a delicious breakfast outside we hit the beach.  coco's feet in the water where her mommy's ashes now rest.  a lone pelican overhead checking in on me--- hi pops!  and i pull the beaver card, # 22,  thinking, cool, that was pa's bday.  then realizing we're on the beach at 22nd avenue, i remember, i am where i am supposed to be.

~coffee n coco~

 

~all i need~

 

~22nd n hermosa~

 

~i pulled the beaver card:  #22~

 

~lifeguard tower #22~

 

~i choose to let the light in~

 

~the screaming eagles cruising with the top down~

 

chapter 6:  returning

there is nothing that involves only going without returning.  it is the nature of heaven and earth. when there is going, there also must be returning.

~I Ching~

 
~lucky~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

finding & creating depth & splendor

~on my journey~

 

~magic happens here~

even though i drove an hour, paid $5 for bridge toll, searched for parking for 15 min and walked 5 blocks......when she told me she couldn't work on me today........after looking forward for 2 weeks to her magic hands working on my energy.......i was disappointed for only a few seconds......it wasn't meant to be today.....and sometimes when things don't work out, other things do!  so i wandered.  and then i took a different exit.  and i wandered.  and i was rewarded!

 

~birthday blossoms~

 

~one day. some how. some way~

 

~spider re-appears~

spider, symbol of infinite possibilities of creation.  humans can get caught in the web of illusion in the physical world, and never see beyond the horizon into the other dimensions.

she tells us to create, create, create!!!

 

~gate~

 

~owl watching over~

 

~i am on track, my track~

 

~

 

~i'm learning that when i smile on the world, the world smiles on me~

 

~i am here. now. no regrets~

 

~someone is watching over me, this i know~

 

~the sun kisses my birthday blossoms goodnight~

 

~and then she kisses me~

 

~galop du diable~

i am being driven not by a desire for a particular "thing" but to develop my innate gifts.  a heightened awareness.  a sharpened vision.  i have come out of the darkness with a deep thirst for life~ for finding & creating depth & splendor.

quick n dirty journal entry 013011

 

~inner core~

 

  ~create~

 

~finding & creating depth & splendor~

learning to just be...

~he came back to visit & remind me~

that i am on the right track. 

"squirrel teaches you to plan ahead....to gather and store your energy for times of need....reserve something for future use....."

"squirrel has another lesson which can aid you if you observe what is obvious, and which can prepare you for anything.  it has to do with the safe place in which to put your gatherings.  this safe place is an untroubled heart and mind, and that which is gathered to put in this place is wisdom and caring.  the energies gathered will set your mind and heart free, so that you will know that all will be taken care of in its own time.  apply this to your fears about the future and they will vanish."

squirrel medicine card

 

~learning to apply my brakes~

i warned him when he put on the brakes that i had no brakes.  that once i see potential i jump in.  that i am reckless with my heart.  and i saw potential.  and i jumped.  and midair i realized that you had stopped allowing yourself to fill the lake with all you have to offer.  and for the first time, i realized i could find my brakes, and learn to use them.  and i did.  and it doesn't mean i care any less.  just that i can't do this alone.  and it's out of my control.  and i'm ok with that, for the first time in my life.  there is no desperation in my bones.  no deafening ticking of a clock in my ears driving me to action.  no urgency in the beating of my heart.   just a sweet sense of calm.  letting what will be, be.

 

~my fabulous finds at the creative growth exhibit~

 

~print by ray~

rabbit has been all around me.  in my dreams.  in my art.  it is the year of the rabbit.  my motto for this year is to be open-- to say yes!  when i say no, it's usually out of fear.  rabbit symbolizes fear. 

"stop talking about horrible things happening and get rid of 'what if' in your vocabulary.  rabbit may signal a time of worry about the future or of trying to exercise your control over that which is not yet in form-- the future."

rabbit medicine card

 

~mr birdie by kay~

 

~another fabulous piece by ray~

the squirrel takes on many rabbits!!! yay!!!

 

~disappointed~

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~not devastated~

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~i'm still blooming~

 

~not hiding~

 

~not frightened~

 

~there is so much to notice~

 

~so much to explore~

 

~so much to stumble upon~

 

~adventures to be had~

 

~journeys to take~

 

~work to be done~

 

~people to meet...this is ferdinand~

 

~nice rack:  my kind of beamer~

 

~back to Pa's houseboat on a drizzly day~

 

~safe~

 

~open~

 

~ready to board: but my ship's not in~

 

~and for once, i'm not worried about running out of time~

 

~a reminder to just be~

 

~am i waiting or ready to go~

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acknowledging my thoughts.  but not letting them affect me.  no need to react to the future, it's not here yet.

 

  ~there are treasures to be found in the most unlikely places~

 

~other options to be had~

 

~pt orient~

 

~on my way out~

 

~mr big head pufferfish~

 

~he's happy~

 

~a magic wall~

 

~she's watching over me~

 

~even though i'm strong~

 

~& my potential is great~

 

~for finding beauty~

 

~everywhere~

 

 

~and inside~

 

 

~out of the darkness~

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once again, i find myself out of the darkness.  the deep darkness that swallowed me whole and numbed me to life.  this time i have emerged with new strengths.   wisdom.  a heightened awareness.  a sharpened vision.  a deeper thirst~  for life, for fullfilling my dreams, for finding and creating depth.  it's a wonderful place to be.  me.  right now.